Anyone who knows me knows I am teetotal. There are 3 reasons for this:
1. I suffered as a child at the hands of an alcoholic
2. Even the smell of alcohol makes me feel sick
3. I remember being drunk having no control over myself
The first point is no longer an issue, I am old enough to ensure that the alcoholic in question has no power over me.
The second point is simple, just avoid alcohol.
The third point has got me thinking. Because of point number 2 I won’t be in a position that I will be drunk, however will I always be in control? Are you in control, if not who is controlling you?
The reason why I question this is that I spent over 20 years in a high control group. I did not realise it at the time but everything about my life was being dictated to me. What I wore, what I read, what I ate, what I watched or listened to, my recreation, how I spent my time was all controlled by the group I was in.
How could I have not seen this? As a cynical and skeptical person I have asked this many times. I have come to the conclusion it is because all my time was taken up following the rules and regulations, however no matter how hard I tried, how much of myself I gave it was never enough and I had no time to check it out for myself.
Now I am no longer a member I can think for myself and make decisions for myself and I have never been happier. However there is a cost to this.
I still have family members who are in the high control group, and they have been told that anyone that leaves the group are to be viewed as a dead person. They are not allowed any contact with me. When I decided that I did not want to be a member of the group, it was the group I had an issue with, not the individual members. I did not want to be identified as a member of a high control group, one that has ruined literally thousands of lives. I did not however cut myself off from my family, who all know me as a nice and decent person.
Sadly as soon as they have found out I am no longer a member of their group they are no longer allowed to talk to me.
I have no control over this, the more I protest the more they believe it to be a test of their loyalty to their group. They have no control over this as they have relinquished their lives to the group.
So I ask again, who is in control? No-one is in complete control. Maybe I should take up drinking after all….