Male survivors

Today I am posting this as it is over a year since I posted on this subject with some useful information. I had thought there would be a stigma and shame attached to being a male survivor, however that is not the case anymore. My abuser always made out he was macho, and certainly phrases such as ‘man up’ and ‘don’t be a girl’ are ones I was used to hearing as I grew up, however normally in contexts very different to the ones I was contending with in my head.

When I did come forward after 30 years a few years back I found the following information really useful, and hope it helps someone else out there, which is why I am posting this again.

Who Can  a Man Tell (brochure)

When a Man is Raped (brochure)

Living Well (website)

Undue Influence

“Undue Influence is the application of social, emotional or physical pressure to convince a person to align with some cause or belief system against their better interests. It involves an individual or group taking a position of power or authority to gradually prevent the targeted person from being able to exercise their independent will.  Also referred to as destructive influence, manipulation, exploitative or unethical persuasion, brainwashing, mind control, coercion and thought reform, undue influence is dismissed by some as rare or unlikely, despite evidence demonstrating that it is a major threat to society and contributes to everything from domestic abuse and parental alienation to human trafficking, and dangerous cult movements to terrorist radicalisation.” Courtesy of

To see whether you are under undue influence I recommend using the BITE model, read more about it here: